I want to be at work. I can't find a job. But here is the thing, I'm embarrassed about it. WHY am I embarrassed about it? Since I started looking for a new job which, was actually when I was still in New York in August of 2014, I have kept a very detailed spreadsheet of who I applied to, the date and the outcome of that application. The tally is now at 240 applications that include small companies, headhunters, non profits and large corporations. There are several corporations that I have applied to many times. I do not apply to jobs that I don't qualify for although lately, out of desperation, I've been trying to stretch my limits and apply for job types that I have never thought of before. That doesn't seem to be working for me either. I have tried everything. I network but that hasn't helped and even when someone does try to help me, it has not ended in my getting a job. I have adjusted my almost six figure salary in New York to half of that here in Texas and in desperation, even to the low 30's (who can live on that?). I read articles about others my age looking for work and hear the advise from AARP that I have to adjust my expectations, both in the positions I can expect to be considered for and the salary I can demand for that role. I think the fact that I must give up performing in a job that I am better prepared for than many of the other candidates, is really sad. I'm at the top of my game. My skills are the best they have ever been, Experience that I have honed over the last 15 years, learning the ups and downs of supporting busy executives and running an office goes untapped. I love my work. I'm a career office manager and executive assistant and I love the day to day tasks and problems, dealing with vendors and clients and helping staff with their needs. I miss it more than I could have ever dreamed I would. So why don't they want to hire me?
I sit here in this house feeling so wasted. I look at the hundreds of jobs out there on the job boards and I get excited. I drive down the highway looking at the multitude of office buildings and think, surely someone in there needs a really great office manager. I look at the small industrial parks wistfully, thinking that they must need someone to keep the business going while they try to make a go of it. I apply for every job with a new excitement. And when each one sends a rejection or even worse, just ignores me, I fall deeper into depression about it. It's a little like gambling, I always think the next one will be it. I see a job description and think, "that is me, I can really make a difference there", but again, nothing. I get little to none in the way of feedback. Actually, the only feed back I got was, "She's a talker." I hear that and decided to tone down my eagerness but to be honest that won't help. Do you know why?
I'm 60 years old. Those of you who know me will think, that age isn't a factor with me because I'm engaged and tech savy. But let me assure you, it's true. I am so surprised at the lack of knowledge or even belief that companies wont hire you if you are 60, no matter how good you are at your job. I don't even get the chance to prove that I'm up to date with technology and an energetic worker.
Several times, I've gotten through the interview process only to lose the job when I fill out the background check information and they figure out that I'm 60. All of a sudden the enthusiastic HR manager or VP goes quiet. Radio Silence and then that hated email arrives, "We have decided to move forward with other candidates."
I feel like I have some ideas that would make a difference. I wonder if I can wake up others who might be in a position to make changes. But, to do that, I would have to come out of the closet and admit to everyone that I have failed, that I am unemployed, that no one wants me as their co-worker. I am ashamed of that and I'm not sure why. It's not like I haven't given this job search my best efforts. I can't just retire and just try to exist on the unrealistic social security payments I'll ge because I'm not OLD ENOUGH. Yet, I can't work to the suggested 70 years old because no one will hire me or pay me what I'm worth. It's a terrible situation of being between a rock and a hard place.
I'm not sure what my next steps will be but it's not in me to give up. When I'm finally able to look at it with a less emotional perspective maybe I will write that op ed and maybe someone will publish it and maybe, just maybe workplaces will begin to change their prejudice against older workers.
