What New York did for me.... In New York-----

Moving is never an easy thing.  Leaving New York was even harder.  New York was really really good to me.  It took me in during a time of real stress and uncertainty in my life and with such gusto gave me many things!

It gave me the ability to deal with fear...
I lived through 911 when I'd only been there for one month and I was terrified but it gave me something to fear on a higher level than being in a strange place with strange people.  I stayed.... and I'm so glad I did.  Before I left Texas, I was so afraid, of everything.  I was not in control of my life and was dependent on others helping me.  I hated this.  New York gave me back the ability to move on without fear and do what I had to do without consideration of how others would view my decisions.  I learned to trust my instincts again and to respect my own thoughts and opinions without concern for what others would think about my choices or actions.  I learned to use fear to teach me things and and then move on past it.

It gave me the love of my life... my Charles.
I'd been single for 7 years when I met Charles, and happily so.  What I find so ironic, is that I met Charles on my second day in New York. The fact that we both came from other places seeking a new way of life gave us immediate common ground.  What was NOT common was our age difference.  I think if this relationship had begun in either of our former worlds, there would have been such a storm of gossip that our young and fledgling love for one another may not have survived.  New York isolated us, cushioned us, nurtured us and let us build what we have today without judging us or interfering with how we learned to relate to each other.

 In New York, I could do things that would never be accepted before...

It's not only ok to have differing political views in New York but encouraged.  I could and did experience lectures from scientists and philosophers which would send me home in a fog of new thoughts and ideas that would feed my curiosity monster for days to follow.  Windows were opened and fresh ideas flowed through.  I was not intimidated by subject matter that I knew I might not fully understand, I just absorbed what I could and went in search of answers for that I could not. 
Standing at the park downtown watching the 99% Occupy Wallstreet,

Everyone deserves happiness...I attended the wedding of two people I adore at Lincoln Center and they were both named Michael.  We call them "the Michaels".   There was no hate pouring out from others at their wedding, no protesters out front with signs declaring disgust or gods vengeance, just others wishing my friends happiness and peace and glad they found each other to love and cherish.

It's ok to be religious in New York but it's also ok NOT to be. In New York, religion is a personal choice and a private matter between a human being and their God or Goddess or Universe.... or even nothing.  It's ok as long as you are not pushing it on anyone else, then they get a little testy.  If I said, "I don't believe in God.", I was not met with the blank stare of incomprehension, nor was dropped from their world because of that.  I had good and interesting ideas to add to their world and that was what mattered most.

Sorry, you don't have a degree.  An individual is not judged on their level of education.  Education is important, some of the best learning institutions in the world are in New York, but there is more to a person's capability than a four year degree.  A determined person can find a job in New York or can even convince an employer to give them a chance and work their way up.  If more education is needed, there are people to help you get it.  I never saw a mentality that said, you didn't go to school so you must not be worthy.

Vent.... 
I think that maybe writing this down helps me a little because I'm feeling homesick.   When we got ready to move back to Texas, I would say, "I think it's time to move home."  I don't think I realized at the time that New York had become home to me.  I didn't realize that my family had pretty much moved on with their life without me and weren't going to feel any need to integrate me back into their life.  My silly fantasy of returning home to the loving arms of a family that was missing me was just that.  A fantasy.  I love seeing them and I love watching my grandsons grow but I think I might have been more a part of their life when I lived far away. Strange I know... but probably true. I hope I have not hurt Charles' development professionally from moving him here where he seems to have two strikes right off the bat.  He has great experience but no degree and he speaks with an accent. I'ts five months since I began looking for a job and still nothing so I'm guessing it's hurt me professionally as well.

What I miss.  I miss the stupid train I had to take every day to work  I miss Work and my dysfunctional work family there.  I miss having a job where I was valued whether I had a degree or not.   I miss that assistants are recognized for the important role they fill and not seen as an under-culture of the workforce.  I miss Central Park and kick myself everyday for not visiting it more.  I miss the ballet, the Opera and Broadway.  I miss Jones Beach and the Long Beach board walk.  I miss snow days.  I miss the deli next to my work and the bacon egg and cheese on a roll.  I miss walking down the street in NYC and looking down the long avenue and the grin that would spread across my face. I miss snotty, stuck up SOHO.  I miss last minute road trips to cool places like the mountains or DC or Boston. 

Ok... now that I've purged that from my system, maybe it will blow up the roadblock that might have been preventing me from settling down to try and enjoy this new place we are in.  We bought this beautiful home and we are here for at LEAST two years so I think it will be interesting to see where we are next January when I'll write again about this.  In the meantime, I'll try not to be too whiny.