Top of My Game...

I'm at the top of my game professionally but I'm not being given the opportunity to use it.  Since we moved to Houston from New York, I've been looking for a job.  I actually did keep part of my job at The One Club until November when I finished up the Corporate Membership renewal part of my job but I was still looking for a job during that time.  I kept a  spread sheet of every single role I applied for and as it started getting near 50, I started to become a little worried that something strange was going on.  I only have 26 weeks of unemployment and although it comes no where near paying the bills, it certainly does help.

It was like a truck hitting me that no one was responding because of my age.  I have been an executive assistant and office manager for years.  If I really look back at it, I began when I was only 19 and helped to run Momma's Worry, a popular college nightclub in the late 70's.  I took several years off to raise children but was soon back to work and all told, I at least 20 years experience.  Through the years I have had mentors that helped me hone my skills that are not only technical but also with people.  There is a patina that has developed over the years which gives me what sometimes almost seems like a second sight when it comes to anticipating how people may react to problems and how to respond to panic in others.  I have many excellent C-level references.

What I didn't realize about this situation is how much it was going to personally hurt me. The rejection is such a personal affront. I don't actually look my age, which should be a good thing but it turns against me after a good interview.  I leave an interview knowing they like me and in three incidents, actually told me I was their choice.  Then almost immediately, I get an email or call the next day to tell me they have decided to move on with other candidates.  This happens after I fill out and sign background check forms which must include my birthday.  Not one single large corporation responded to my application and resume.  All of those have websites where you are required to fill out this information.  They judge you before they even talk to you and no chance is given to the individual who might make the best employee they ever had.  The actual interviews went fine until I submitted required background check forms.

I don't apply to any roles that I am not absolutely qualified for and try to avoid applying for jobs that are way below my skill level so that if someone looks at my information, it would seem that I am a perfect fit.  What a shame they do not give me a chance and an even bigger shame that the government has helped them do it.  The same government that is now telling my generation that they have to work to 72 to get full benefits from Social Security.  They help companies discriminate against me so that it's almost impossible to get a job which puts me in a dead man's zone. I cannot afford   I can't work and I can't afford not to work. 

I'm 60 and will easily work another 8-10 years and even if I worked for only 5, that is more time than most people are staying at jobs today.  My spread sheet is now at 184 jobs I've applied to through websites, friends, networking and a few recruiters.  I have two interviews this week through a recruiter that I am hoping turn out.  I just applied for my next to the last week of unemployment so a lot is riding on them.

I don't like to complain without offering a solution and protection for the older workers and a solution to this very real problem is really pretty easy...

• It needs to be illegal to require age identifying information on an application either in person or online This includes high school and college graduation dates.
•  It needs to be illegal to require someone to fill out or sign background check forms before an offer of employment is extended. 
• Unemployment needs to be extended for people over 55 years of age looking for work.

 Sounds simple doesn't it.  At least this will give me a fair playing field.  I'm at the top of my game and the skills and background I have should be utilized.  I'm going to share this blog post with some people I think might be able to make a difference and do something about this problem.

My Three Grandsons.... what I always yearned for

I love watching Greyson get himself set to play ball in this video.  It was when I watching this that I realized that my youngest grandson was turning from a baby into a little boy... changing from my precious littlest ... When that happened with Brady, I was just watching him play and the sight and thought hit me with a little slap.  I think I never want them to grow.  With Josh and Nikki it was such a different thing, I wanted them to get bigger, older and more sophisticated so I could talk to them and see the people they were going to be.  With my grandsons, it's a different animal altogether since I realize too late that those moments of babyness will never return again and should be cherished.  Dylan is such a young man now and since I was in New York for most of his young life, I missed so much of that with him.  I'm enjoying the little man he's becoming though and love his gentle nature and the way he tolerates the young boys adoration and the way they are constantly climbing on him, like a tree.  Just like my two children, my three grandsons are very different but love each other which is something I have always yearned for.  I'm a lucky woman.

The Marriage of "The Michaels"

June 17, 2012... This is a post I did for the Michael's wedding and it didn't make it to the blog..... here it is now....

I was so blissfully happy and proud to be a part of this happy and even historic day for my friend Michael Scarna and his now husband Michael Lamasa.

Can you believe I just said that?  Yes, my friends, I said husband and "the Michaels" are now legally married thanks to the passage of same sex marriage laws in the state of New York.  Last summer, the state of New York legalized same sex marriages.  It's one of the largest states to take this brave step.

After this brave piece of legislation, my friend Michael told me that his long thought out plans to marry his partner were finally going to come to fruition.   Overcome with excitement for him, I shamelessly wheedled a promise that I would be invited.  Michael came through with his promise and what a joyous day it was.


The powers that be, provided as beautiful and stellar a Saturday afternoon as could ever be wished for.  On this day, I watched these two people so deeply in love with each other, enjoy the same rights to promise their lives to their chosen mate as the rest of society.  All this, as happy tears slid down my cheeks at the sight of Michael's eyes shining with love and adoration at his partner Michael as they stood at the altar finally able to realize their dreams of marriage.

Check out this link to the New York Times wedding announcement, http://www.nytimes.com/2012/06/17/fashion/weddings/michael-scarna-michael-lamasa-weddings.html

 "The Michaels", a name coined with much affection and mirth and thankfully accepted graciously by both of them, were both shining as they stood together at the altar at Alice Tully Hall at Lincoln Center.  The day wasn't without humor as I chuckled at the well thought out and special program for the afternoon.
  In the first video, the tiny flower girls in their pretty white frocks with black ribbons were the cutest things ever and the ring bearer was so handsome and gallantly carried the rings shouldering a most important responsibility with ease.  The Groomsmaids and the Groomsmen were resplendent and beaming with delight.  Isn't it funny that my spellcheck will have to learn the word "Groomsmaids"... ;-) 

When the Michaels came walking toward us four abreast with each mother on their arm, I began to get teary....

I must say that Lincoln Center was so pretty with all the glass and passersby stopping to look in to see what was happening on the other side of the big tall windows.  The quartet from Julliard  was wonderful and it really lent an air of happiness and calm to a very exciting day.

Michael never stopped smiling and his happiness was infectious.

The boys look so handsome with Phillip A. George, a Universal Life minister who officiated at the ceremony.
This is a nice shot of the wedding party...

The singer is Mattie Brewer... I took a short video to help me remember how good she was... what a great voice... 
In another video, the crowd is cheering as the "Michaels" come happily down the aisle,  and it's a done deal... walking down the aisle... happy together..
One of the Groomsman is overcome with emotions, just like the rest of the wedding party and most of the guests.

How cute is this thumbs up from the groom and who is looking lovingly at his new husband?
Congratulations Michael!

What New York did for me.... In New York-----

Moving is never an easy thing.  Leaving New York was even harder.  New York was really really good to me.  It took me in during a time of real stress and uncertainty in my life and with such gusto gave me many things!

It gave me the ability to deal with fear...
I lived through 911 when I'd only been there for one month and I was terrified but it gave me something to fear on a higher level than being in a strange place with strange people.  I stayed.... and I'm so glad I did.  Before I left Texas, I was so afraid, of everything.  I was not in control of my life and was dependent on others helping me.  I hated this.  New York gave me back the ability to move on without fear and do what I had to do without consideration of how others would view my decisions.  I learned to trust my instincts again and to respect my own thoughts and opinions without concern for what others would think about my choices or actions.  I learned to use fear to teach me things and and then move on past it.

It gave me the love of my life... my Charles.
I'd been single for 7 years when I met Charles, and happily so.  What I find so ironic, is that I met Charles on my second day in New York. The fact that we both came from other places seeking a new way of life gave us immediate common ground.  What was NOT common was our age difference.  I think if this relationship had begun in either of our former worlds, there would have been such a storm of gossip that our young and fledgling love for one another may not have survived.  New York isolated us, cushioned us, nurtured us and let us build what we have today without judging us or interfering with how we learned to relate to each other.

 In New York, I could do things that would never be accepted before...

It's not only ok to have differing political views in New York but encouraged.  I could and did experience lectures from scientists and philosophers which would send me home in a fog of new thoughts and ideas that would feed my curiosity monster for days to follow.  Windows were opened and fresh ideas flowed through.  I was not intimidated by subject matter that I knew I might not fully understand, I just absorbed what I could and went in search of answers for that I could not. 
Standing at the park downtown watching the 99% Occupy Wallstreet,

Everyone deserves happiness...I attended the wedding of two people I adore at Lincoln Center and they were both named Michael.  We call them "the Michaels".   There was no hate pouring out from others at their wedding, no protesters out front with signs declaring disgust or gods vengeance, just others wishing my friends happiness and peace and glad they found each other to love and cherish.

It's ok to be religious in New York but it's also ok NOT to be. In New York, religion is a personal choice and a private matter between a human being and their God or Goddess or Universe.... or even nothing.  It's ok as long as you are not pushing it on anyone else, then they get a little testy.  If I said, "I don't believe in God.", I was not met with the blank stare of incomprehension, nor was dropped from their world because of that.  I had good and interesting ideas to add to their world and that was what mattered most.

Sorry, you don't have a degree.  An individual is not judged on their level of education.  Education is important, some of the best learning institutions in the world are in New York, but there is more to a person's capability than a four year degree.  A determined person can find a job in New York or can even convince an employer to give them a chance and work their way up.  If more education is needed, there are people to help you get it.  I never saw a mentality that said, you didn't go to school so you must not be worthy.

Vent.... 
I think that maybe writing this down helps me a little because I'm feeling homesick.   When we got ready to move back to Texas, I would say, "I think it's time to move home."  I don't think I realized at the time that New York had become home to me.  I didn't realize that my family had pretty much moved on with their life without me and weren't going to feel any need to integrate me back into their life.  My silly fantasy of returning home to the loving arms of a family that was missing me was just that.  A fantasy.  I love seeing them and I love watching my grandsons grow but I think I might have been more a part of their life when I lived far away. Strange I know... but probably true. I hope I have not hurt Charles' development professionally from moving him here where he seems to have two strikes right off the bat.  He has great experience but no degree and he speaks with an accent. I'ts five months since I began looking for a job and still nothing so I'm guessing it's hurt me professionally as well.

What I miss.  I miss the stupid train I had to take every day to work  I miss Work and my dysfunctional work family there.  I miss having a job where I was valued whether I had a degree or not.   I miss that assistants are recognized for the important role they fill and not seen as an under-culture of the workforce.  I miss Central Park and kick myself everyday for not visiting it more.  I miss the ballet, the Opera and Broadway.  I miss Jones Beach and the Long Beach board walk.  I miss snow days.  I miss the deli next to my work and the bacon egg and cheese on a roll.  I miss walking down the street in NYC and looking down the long avenue and the grin that would spread across my face. I miss snotty, stuck up SOHO.  I miss last minute road trips to cool places like the mountains or DC or Boston. 

Ok... now that I've purged that from my system, maybe it will blow up the roadblock that might have been preventing me from settling down to try and enjoy this new place we are in.  We bought this beautiful home and we are here for at LEAST two years so I think it will be interesting to see where we are next January when I'll write again about this.  In the meantime, I'll try not to be too whiny.

Memories of Harley that Make Me Smile

Harley a few days old!

“Which one Mom?”  Nikki said as her eyes scanned across the cute little dachshund puppies.  Nikki and I went to visit the Bailey’s to see the brand new dachshund puppies.  Ms. Bailey was holding the cutest one of all in her hand.  A precious little puppy that was just a bit lighter than all the rest of her brothers and sisters.

We were both a little surprised at the size of the father.  He was big.  “I thought they were miniature dachshunds,” Nikki said, while inspecting the puppy with the same verve she gave to any important project.  I relaxed knowing that not one tiny little detail would escape Nikki when she was in “business” mode.  Then, she handed the little baby dog to me and I fell in love, yes that’s right, at that moment I knew this little dog and I were going to be lifelong friends.  The problem was, that she was supposed to be Nikki’s dog. 

I handed the little puppy back to the lady and said, “that’s the one, we will take her! Is there some way you can mark her so we are sure to get that very one?”  Mrs. Bailey smiled and said it wouldn’t be a problem because she was a different color than all the rest.  Nikki looked at me for reassurance and then back to the other puppies.  I shook my head and she understood, in the way we have of communicating with each other silently, that this was definitely the one.  Nikki wrote them a check for $300 which was $50 more than we thought it would be but by that time, it was a done deal.  We left, but I spent the next 6 weeks bothering the Bailey’s and Nikki, to ask their son who worked with her at St. Elizabeth’s Fitness Center, to see if we could have our new puppy earlier.  Being the responsible breeders they were, they held out against the onslaught of begging until the absolute end.  I’m sure they were mightily relieved the day we went to pick her up.

Harley in her leathers.. lol

The Name

There are different views on who thought up the name.  Nikki says it was after a friend of a friend and I think it was because it matched our last name.  But, Harley it was and Nikki settled her in a little basket beside her bed.  I’m not sure when it became evident that Harley was going to be my dog but when Nikki decided to move out and get her own apartment, I asked to keep her with me and Nikki agreed. 

Just Me and Her

Having Harley at this time of my life, when everything was such a jumble and when, with the exception of my kids, I was very alone.  It was just me and Harley and then everyone else.  No matter how scared I was, no matter what I said or did, she was there, nuzzling me and watching me.  I had to take care of us after all, she had to count on me for that and I had to come through.  Nikki was working hard to earn her degree and Josh was off in far away lands on the USS Lincoln.  I am an only child and both my parents passed away, long ago.  It was me and her against all odds.

Cats

For the first several years of Harley’s life, she thought she was a cat.  It didn’t daunt her that she couldn’t jump to the back of the couch like the other cats, she just trotted around to the front and jumped and clawed her way there and then proudly strutted back and forth and slept there, just like her friends.

When one of them had kittens, Harley decided she wanted them.  I would see her trotting past me with a kitten in her mouth and rush to take it away.  After giving me a disgusted look, Harley just doggedly went back to get another one.  For a week, the mother cat and I both spent a majority of our time moving kittens from Harley’s bed, back to Momma kitties bed.  One day, I went looking for Harley and there was everyone, Harley, Momma Kitty and all six kittens, happy as little larks, in Harley’s bed.  A perfect example of “If you can’t beat em, join em!”  Harley couldn’t feed them but she licked them and nudged them around with her long Doxie nose and corralled them when they wandered out of their assigned (by Harley) territory.  She grieved for them with Momma Kitty when they went to new homes and I think they consoled each other.

Sleeping

When Nikki moved out, Harley started sleeping with me.  I put a low stool by my bed so she could get on and off on her own.  She would climb in and then nose her way down my legs and settle herself by my feet.  If I moved around too much, she’d growl to tell me to be still.  When she got hot, she’d move up and flop her head on my pillow and lick me to let me know she was ok, just hot.  Later on, when I got a bed that was too high for her to maneuver, she would just jump against it and bark at me to lift her into bed.  As she got older, she was less interested in being in bed with me and slept in her own bed with her blanket.  There was no rest for me though unless she had her blanket on her.  She had no qualms waking me up in the middle of the night to re-situate her with her blanket.  I did it with a sleepy smile. 

Running the Field

We lived in an apartment at Fountain Woods and our door faced the athletic field at Austin Middle School.  I would swing open the door and a small red blur would go tearing out the door, full speed with little legs pumping for all they were worth.  It was amazing really, how fast she was with those little legs.  She would run all the way around the perimeter once and then once again, slower to inspect for intruders and to look for squirrels in the little woods on the side.  Then she would come back to get me so we could walk it together.

Zach

I had a home office at this time when I was working for Girls’ Haven.  My friend and boss LaNell would come by every morning after dropping her son Dylan off at school to talk about things we needed to do and she brought her younger son Zach with her.  Harely ADORED Zach.  The minute she saw him she would jump up and down and they would hug and talk to each other.  Zach liked to walk her so we would put a leash on her and they would go off together.  We lectured Zach not to let Harley lead him too far but they got lost more than once.  One time, the principal at Austin called to tell us that they were in a classroom.  We rushed over to get them and the two of them were sitting happily on the teachers desk, basking in the attention of all the 8^th graders and their teacher.  I have to admit, they cut quite the picture, the curly haired redhead and the little red dog.  It was a joy to watch them together.

Mandy

Harley also loved Nikki’s friend Mandy.  Anytime Mandy was near she would wag her tail and whine and jump until Mandy picked her up.  I finally talked to Mandy and asked her if she would agree to take Harley if anything ever happened to me.  She said yes and it was always a comfort to me to know that.

Wendy

One day,  Nikki's friend Wendy was visiting and Harley and I were sitting on the couch.  I was singing the “Harley” song to Harley.  She loved it and would lick me and wiggle around while I sang it to her.  The melody was the frere jacques song and the words were:

I love Harley, I love Harley, Yes I do… yes I do… I will always love her, I will always love her forever and always, forever and always.. . .

I looked up at Wendy and the look on her face was just priceless.  I said, "WHAT, she likes it!"  She said to me with such a wry expression, “I hope you die before that dog does.”  I said, “THANKS Wendy!” while laughing.  I knew Wendy well enough to know that was her way of saying she loved me.  She explained, “No, I’m serious, how will any of us console you?  I’ve never seen anyone love a dog so much!”  You were right Wendy.  I’m inconsolable.  Sadder than I ever knew I could be.  Missing you guys too, because, regardless, just knowing you care does help.

Getting LadyBug

A few years later, LadyBug came to live with us.  I don't think Harley was too impressed with the new addition but as time went by, they became fast friends and Lady was added to our little "family".   Harley remained the boss of all of us until her last day. 

This was right before Harley scored her duck

Ducks and Dogs and Dylan

We all moved to Baton Rouge for a short time when my company transferred me. We had an apartment beside a beautiful lake.  Josh brought my grandson Dylan to visit and they became fast friends.  I kept warning Josh that Harley might be able to get away from Dylan but he seemed to have such a grip on the leash that we let him have her.  As we were all walking around the lake, a momma duck came out with her babies.  Harley shot into action like the space shuttle and before any of us could do anything about it, she had a duck in her mouth and headed for some people safe cover so we couldn't take it away from her.  It was quite traumatic and I had to scold Charles and Josh who were laughing uproariously as opposed to Dylan who was horrified.  Harley?  Well she was just concentrating on stopping Josh from taking away her prize duck.  Much to my chagrin, Charles insisted on referring to her as DK short for Duck Killer for the next year.

Harley at Silver Lake Park in Staten Island

Moving to New York

One of the stand out moments for me and Harley was the first night of our move to New York.  It was a major life changing decision and Harley and Lady made it with me.  When my friend Debbie invited me to come live with her and work in New York, I was terrified but circumstances were pushing me that direction.  I explained to her that where I went, so came my Harley and now Lady. 

Debbie said we were all welcome, so plans were made and we all made the trip together.  After she picked us up at the airport, and took a short nighttime sightseeing trip, we all went to Debbie’s where chaos ensued as Harley and Lady proceeded to chase Debbie’s horrified cats all around the house.  Debbie showed us to our room and she went to bed.

 I will never forget the weight of the moment when we were faced with the quiet reality that we had moved here.  The picture in my mind of the three of us sitting on the little bed in the tiny little room in this strange city where we knew no one, will stay with me forever. I just took a deep breath and looked around the little room, thinking, Oh my God, what have I done.  Did I really just pick up and move to New York City?

Harley climbed into my lap and looked up at me as if to say, “hey, what’s all this and where is our house?”  Then she just sighed and snuggled down in bed with me, knowing that wherever we were, we were together and it would be ok.  That memory, and the peace of mind it gave me to have her there, will stay with me always.  I was scared to death, but having her there let me know that I was the team leader and was expected to do whatever I needed to do to make things right.  That’s exactly what I did.

We made the best of the situation and took long walks in Silver Lake Park which was right across the street.  Harley got her first taste of snow there which was NOT received well.  Her little belly was always in the snow and she let me know right away that she was NOT going to be a snow dog!

 

Sacs and the Village

One day I was in Sak’s Fifth Avenue and saw another shopper had her little dog with her.  I asked the salesperson about it and she said, in New York, most of the stores allowed shoppers to have their  dogs with them.  I went right home and excitedly planned an excursion to the city with Harley.  Lady never has calmed down enough to be a “city” dog so she had a long walk in the park first and then Harley and I boarded the bus and started our trek into the city.  Harley wasn’t too happy about being stuffed into a “bag” but she endured it.  On the Staten Island Ferry, I took her out of the bag and she and I sat on the upper level outside on the bench and looked at Lady Liberty.  I smiled at what “big girls” we both were.   After a stressful subway ride, discouraging well meaning subway riders from petting Harley’s head, lest they lose a finger or two, we headed for Sak’s first and I laughed at how easily Harley learned to turn up her nose at the other little dogs and prance around, showing them just how snooty little Texas dogs can be.  We shopped and I think we bought a key chain since that is all we could afford, especially if we wanted to eat later.

Then we met some friends and went to the Village where we sat at a sidewalk café.  There was an extra chair and Harley hopped into it, seeing no need for her to be on the, “gasp”, ground.  We all laughed and the waiter brought her a bowl of water, mineral of course, and we all shared little tidbits with her.  People walked by and cooed at her and took her picture which she happily posed for.  We had a wonderful day and I think Harley enjoyed it as much as I did, even if she did have to endure being stuffed into the bag to get there.

As it turned out, New York was to be our new home for these 10 years now and I came through with my promise to Harley to make everything all right.  She was with me for the long haul and I could do no less for her.  No matter how bad things got, we were going to stay together and New York was good to us.  It brought us Charles, a job, security and happiness. 

Saying Goodbye

When I first noticed Harley didn’t look well and when the vet explained as kindly as she could that my time with Harley was at a minimum, I took her home. We sat quietly together and I assured her that I would be there for her always.  I told her that I appreciated that she was there for me through all the scary times and I would take this journey with her too and I’d do my best to make it dignified and that she would know how much she was loved. 

For the next few weeks, I walked with her, pacing our slow walk with what she could do.  I held her as we rocked outside in the sun together in the rocking chair that I finally got for us.  I sat outside while she stretched out in the sun and fed her tidbits from my plate.  I took her with me in the car when I ran errands and talked and chatted at her like always.  And when I got upset, I pushed it down so it wouldn’t scare her and just hugged her. 

Last Saturday, she spent the day outside with us and went to sleep that night snuggled in her blanket and never woke up.  She was right beside me then, just like all the other times.  It’s an understatement, but there are not better words for me to say than, “I miss you Harley, and thank you for being my true friend always and thank you for all the love you poured into me for the 15 years we had together.”

Purple puff!

I was organizing my pictures today and saw this. Everytime I look at it, it makes me smile. My little purple puff with red hair.

Three Grandsons! Welcome Greyson Hayes Brewer!

Wow... I have three grandsons! Greyson Hayes Brewer joined us this week. on July 14th, 8lbs 2 oz and 19". His birth was planned and went off on schedule, just like everything else that Nikki does... lol.

He's beautiful and so is my lovely daughter. He also has red hair. It's still not the bright orange that Nikki's was when she was born but red just the same.

When Nikki was born, we didn't have the technology to know the sex of the baby ahead of time so all along I was asking if it was a boy or girl and Dr. Hanna finally said in his jolly booming voice, "Well Joni, I don't know if it's a boy or a girl but whatever it is, it has Blazing RED hair!" We all laughed and she was born a few moments later.

I was not there for either Brady or Greyson to be born. At least with Brady, I was on my way there. With Greyson's birth, it was the plan that I would go later when they were ready to move in the new house. Being a long distance Grandmother isn't easy. I miss Dylan's baseball games and never watched Brady turn from a baby into a toddler. I really miss that. It's in our plan to move but we want to make the smartest decisions workwise to make the move.

It's my hope that for Greyson, I can be around more. All my boys.......... It's Me and Nikki and Christy and Lex and then ALL BOYS... Charles, Matt, Josh, Dylan, Brady and Greyson. This is going to be fun!